1. Messy split, with no end in sight

    Things are ugly in my world right now. Never expected forever that struggling with the split will be this hard.

    Nearly depressed, that’s the word? I don’t know. I don’t think so.

    I can’t believe how cold he has been acting toward me. Bitter than pure coffee with lots of grounds.

    Starting with cut off all communication. HE feels betrayed, which makes confusing sense and on top of it, he will not open up about why he feels the way he feels. He just keeps playing the silent game! This is too sudden!

    It’s not that I can’t move on….I am progressively making the move to move on. But I feel  like when I lost that person, I lost my best friend, at times also a brother. The one I am talking to about something good just happened, my disappointment of life. Life is not always as happy or as satisfying as we would want it to be. So here I am, trying to cope. I have to. I can’t wet my pillow every night remembering him or thinking that there’s probably someone else walking beside him. I’m not that kind of person and I refuse to be one.

    However, here are the list of things he’s never gonna find out:

    • that I miss him very much  
    • that sometimes I wish the night we broke up never existed
    • that he still shows up in my dreams many times

    because the thought of it, is just devastating.

    I did it before and so I will again, slowly…stop pleasing the wants. Simply because it’s not what I need. 

    What I need now, is a cup of hot chocolate, my ipod and awesome friends + awesome sister.